When I was in high school I had a very eccentric English teacher. She was always saying something off the wall and hippie freakish. The lights were never on in her room and we all sat in a circle of (desks)peace. We did a few interesting writing assignments but one that stands out the most is one I’ve named Train of Thought. She had us all take one sheet of paper and a pen, put everything else away, and write everything that was running through our minds. She wanted to know our exact thoughts and show us how one thought can lead to another. She told us not to hold back and to be completely honest. This meant we should always be writing non stop during the 15 minutes she gave us because your brain never shuts up. I had such a good time with this exercise and I was so intrigued by the process. When the timer went off, I didn’t want to stop. She read some of them out loud and it was pretty neat to hear my own thoughts spew out of someone elses mouth. I haven’t done this in a while and I thought I’d give it a shot. I’ve recently experienced a bout of writers block and I was so frustrated with myself that I’ve been actively searching for writing challenges to break my barrier. This seemed to be a great exercise and I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before.
Here’s what’s in my head today: (Forgive the lack of punctuation or proper grammar, my thoughts move quickly and in order for me to keep up, I must overlook some things.)
everybody talks. drugs are not good. i can’t understand why people do drugs. wouldn’t you die. mom. i miss mom. remember her hair. big sexy hair hair spray bottle on her desk that made me laugh. my lips hurt. i should put on chapstick, nah. dont wanna. its quiet in here. sitting in the window sometimes makes me uncomfortable. can they see me? i hate snow and i cant wait for spring. seriously. my head hurts. its hurting. i already took aspirin. no not aspirin. stuff i took stuff to stop the hurt but its still hurting. type type type will i ever run out of things to say? question mark. who invented the question mark. my thoughts are blank. are they? they cant be. youre always thinking stupid. theyre not blank. youre thinking about thinking. its lame. i wish that light would stop blinking. it’s making me feel seizurish. i dont have seizures. thats not me. i hate my faceplate. i broke it i hate broken things. but if i get a new one, ill hate that too. whats dad doing, i havent texted him today. i should text him. he probably gets tired of hearing from me. i bet kramers sleeping or eating socks. i just said lol in my head and then typed it onto the computer. my hands are cold but its hot in here. i wish my boss would fix the floor in here. i hate looking at it. i just bit my lip. why do i keep doing that. i said id stop but i cant. grand prize. winner. i never win anything. forecast. it was sunny, wheres the sun? one course a semester. i dont want to go back to school it costs too much. why can’t i just write for a living. thomas college, good memories. beanie must be lonely. i want to go. he’s probably wishing i’d come back and play with him. my poor boobles. i hope the cats arent catching more mice. i dont want them to get worms. i like my livingroom. why cant i just stay home from work tomorrow. my cars broken. still. cant get it in to be fixed until weds. once upon a time. regina. i had a friend named regina. she had a kid. she was at my house a lot. mom loved her. red feather. customers. always customers. gooo awaaaaayyy customer. everyone and their problems. why are my lips still chapped. unchapped them. im not going to let beanie eat a mouse again. hes so cute. wanna go home. pretty much. facebook checking. whose posted. dont tell me what to do. i hate that. i think its raining. its not. i like the rain. played in the rain once. once i did. it was fun. more than once i did. walking with dad in the woods was fun with the dogs. long road. shake the skittles container with dog food in it. no leashes on the dogs. run freeeeeeeee. blink. blink. blink. blink. blink. bink. binkies. sucky. tara had a sucky when she was a baby. ooooh sucky where areeee youuu. bikini. im so out of shape. why do i keep saying ill exercise and then dont. i will tomorrow. i need to. no more donuts. does rice make you fat? i dont care. power pack. universal. studios, universal studios. i hope i can get to harry potter world soon. i need to take more pictures. senior pictures for taylor. remember to do that. find your blackberry. you said you would. dont forget. i think my phone buzzed. i cant check it, im writing. im always writing. when am i not writing. i wish i could record everything in my head and write it later. i cant do that. typewriters of the mind arent real. whats real. reel it in. fishing line, fishing. nan and pop on the boat when beanie jumped off. hilarious. i really need to get him a life jacket. beanie in a lifejacket. people must think im ridiculous. i dont care. i dont even care. i care not. i hate when kids spill candy on the floor. pick it up douchebag parent dont just leave it there. i should paint my nails tonight. i hate waiting for them the dry. what color? what else can i do with nail polish? i should paint beanies nails. i need to throw the towels in the dryer. to dry. dry. dry. drying. theres a lot of drying in the basement in the dryer. bounce bounce i want an icy pop. those make me cough. im so tired of coughing. i didnt cough much last night. theres some sleep i got. freedom and flexibility. im not free entirely. i want to be free. do i want to be free? what is free? i dont want to eat mcdonalds again gross. ming lees was ok, at least im full but i feel like i weigh an elephant amount. why are elephants so big. why arent they dinosaurs? i dont want to see a real people eating dinosaur. id be scared. id like to be brave, but terrifying. my lips are still chapped. dont lick them. lick them and they will get worse. my thoughts really are a train. do trains make sense? i cant hear out of that ear. what? what did you say? whatever i dont need to hear right now. it will come back. theres a lizard in that persons car. i wonder if people who own lizards carry them around places. sub par. those are ugly plants. no pants. those are ugly pants. what do my pants look like? i like my pants, fuck it. how should i cut my hair. my hair is so long, i want to cut it. i think ill dye it. no. yeah why not. dont lick your lips. just put on chapstick its right there. too much work. survivor. i need to catch up. i should apply. i could do it. complete. whats complete? what am i talking about? whats behind me? why do i even care what theyre doing. i need a writing prompt for the day. i think my headaches gone. i cant feel it. i dont want to move just in case. dont lick your lips. stop. dont. what am i going to use as a category for this? should i have used paragraphs? nah. what was that face i just made? i just get bored. re read.
I don’t know what it is I get out of this that’s so entertaining. I just write whatever words are happening in my head and when I read them back to myself, I understand exactly where and why each thing led to the next. It’s crazy how far you can get lost inside your own head. If this was all in just 15 minutes, I can’t imagine what an entire day would look like. If you’re interested in trying it, please share it with me! I’d love to read what’s in your head.